Enough of your lies

by Carmelita Cochingco Ballesteros.

Sept 18, 2010

Dear Readers,

More than a century ago today, Valeriano Hernandez y Peña wrote the novel Mag-inang Mahirap. Being the Father of the Tagalog novel, he is a very important writer in Philippine literature. I believe that his novel Mag-inang Mahirap is an essential piece of historical fiction. Thus, every Filipino and everyone with Filipino roots should get to read Mag-inang Mahirap. I am translating it for the benefit of those who cannot read old Tagalog. . Carmelita C. Ballesteros

Among the many guests who at tended Julia’s wedding reception and witnessed the unhappy consequence of her conversation with her husband, no one sided with Alberto, not even in thought. They all agreed that Alberto was wrong.
They could have blamed Julia for insisting that he marry her, but they did not. Instead, they all said: “Julia’s unfortunate and Alberto’s a heartless man.”
With the help of some relatives and friends, Julia revived and a heaved a deep sigh when she opened her eyes. Afterwards, she stirred and asked for water to quench her big thirst. After gaining consciousness, she felt very weak.
“Where’s Alberto?” was Julia’s first question.
“He looked for a doctor,” some of the young ladies tried to console her.
“Don’t worry about him,” interrupted one gossip-monger. “You shouldn’t regret the loss of a heartless man like him. Whether he returns or not, you’re safe from danger. What a shameless man! And you still ask about him?”
“And why shouldn’t I ask about him?” Julia replied irritably. “Alberto’s my husband now no matter how bad you think he is. It’s my duty to look for him.”
Because of this, the insolent woman stood up and, full of disdain, sneaked out feeling greatly slighted.
Each one asked Julia what she and Alberto were talking about which ended in great sorrow. If Julia did not answer these questions honestly, it was because she respected her honorable role as a wife.
While everyone was feeling sad at the way this celebration had ended, Pilar and her mother were also talking about Alberto. It was then that Limbas, who arrived breathlessly, found them and broke the news to them.
“Have you heard what happened at the banquet of the newly-wed couple?”
“What do you mean? Were you there?” Pilar’s mother asked.
“Yes, Tia. I don’t know what the two of them were talking about, but Julia fainted and Alberto left like a madman.”
“And where did he go?” Pilar asked.
“I have no idea. He ignored me when I asked him. I think he’ll wander around like a vagabond. That’s what he told when they weren’t married yet.”
“Why didn’t you follow him?” Old Munda said with pity as she watched her daughter’s reaction to this piece of news, then added:
“Alberto might do something he shouldn’t.”
“No, Tia, don’t worry. I know what’s in his heart. It’s Julia whom I pity. Her great agony might kill her.”
“What else is grieving her? Alberto has married her.”
“That’s a puzzle we cannot guess. It’s possible that because Alberto was compelled to marry her, he behaved coldly towards her. And she might have felt jealous of Pilar.”
“Julia’s responsible for what has happened to her. It’s her fault. Who else can she blame?” Old Munda said.
“That’s the dilemma of women who don’t think first before they do anything. Was it a secret from her that Alberto’s already engaged? Why did she allow herself to fall in love with him? And now that this has happened, it is she who’s suffering.”
Pilar could not stand this conversation any longer, so she left the house to console herself in the vegetable garden, but what a bad coincidence!
Alberto was then hiding among the plants which Pilar had been raising, and when she came near him, he could not help but heave a sigh, then greeted her almost in supplication.
“Forgive me, Pilar! …I know you won’t like what I’m doing right now, but I can’t bear the pain in my heart anymore. Let me gaze at your heavenly face!”
Pilar was stunned. She was worried that someone might see her with Alberto so she wanted to leave right away, but a big pity overcame her and made her stay when she heard these words:
“Pilar, don’t leave me so soon. Have pity on me! Stay awhile and let me live a little longer.”
“I am shocked, Alberto,” Pilar said. “I wasn’t expecting this bitter meeting with you.”
“It’s bitter for you, but there’s nothing sweeter for me. Please grant my request even for just a moment.”
“What request?”
“That you talk with me just for a short while.”
“And what do you need from me?”
“Your glances are enough to soothe my suffering soul.”
Pilar grimaced and said, “Your speech is incredulous. Is it true that you’re unhappy? You’re supposed to gloat in happiness on this day.”
“Heaven knows, Pilar, what I feel. This is the day of my death. Don’t wound my heart anymore. I admit my fault. Forgive me!”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m happy that you’ve settled down. If you’ll accept my advice, do love Julia with all your heart from now on because she has taken my place. She ought to be the woman in your heart so you can have a quiet married life.
“Forget me, Alberto, and face your duties to her.”
“I have no duties to face, and even if I married her, I can never forget you.”
“You have a soul, Alberto. Don’t you realize that it was the hand of God that tied the knot for you? And didn’t you make a vow before the altar when you were both kneeling down and promising to live together faithfully?”
“Julia probably did, but not me. I didn’t make any promise. While we were kneeling down together, I was thinking of you. All of my senses were with you and not with her.”
“Ah, Alberto! You’re throwing your life away.”
“Yes, I’m throwing my life away because I won’t be living by your side. Oh, Pilar! I want to die now. The happiness I’ve always dreamed of is over because I won’t be spending my life with you.”
“You’re raving, Alberto. You love Julia more than me, that’s the clear truth. Who should be blamed between the two of us?”
“Heaven knows that…”
“Enough of your lies. It’s high time for me to speak up. Forgive me for what I will say. Let it be the last farewell to those days when we knew each other. Ah, Alberto…”
Pilar was unable to finish speaking because two drops of tears raced down her cheeks. She could hardly breathe while Alberto remained speechless himself like a mute and stood there blinded by his own tears. Both of them grieved over the end of their love.
“You ought to have peace of mind now,” Pilar blurted out after having given herself time to cry her heart out, then added:
“You have reached the ultimate end of your treachery and my mother’s expectations and mine have vanished into bitter clouds.”
“Oh, Pilar! Don’t speak so harshly. Because of what’s happened to me, I’m ready to face even the most miserable end. And believe me, I left my wife while she was unconscious.”
“Ah! Your wife! What a sweet word for the woman who’s taken my place. Alberto! Alberto! Take care of your wife and never be untrue to her the way you were untrue to me. I loved you and I should love your soul, too.
“Julia’s your wife now and it wasn’t make-believe when you received the sacrament of marriage today. You have a sacred duty before God and before humankind. Don’t desert her.
“You should accept that your lives are now entwined and no one can undo that. Go back to her and leave me alone. Our long engagement had ended. This is the last time that I’ll ever talk with you.”
“The last time! Is it true that you can never take me back?”
“Alberto! You should know who I am even if you’ve forgotten the past we’ve shared.”
“I know you. But don’t cast me away so fast. Have pity on me!”
“Have pity on you!… You’re insulting my honor. You have the nerve to ask me to have pity on you? What an outrageous infidelity! You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Pilar! Take my life if what I said offended you, but don’t ridicule me like that.”
“I’m not ridiculing you. I’m just asking you to respect my rights and the honor of my womanhood. How and why should I take you back?”
“Whichever way you wish. Even if you’d treat me like a slave, I will accept it, just to gaze at your face.”
“Alberto, your words are burning me. I must leave now. I don’t want to listen to what you’re saying anymore.”
And she left, enraged and scandalized by such declarations.