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Sept 18, 2010
The label “empty nester” takes on a more personal meaning now that it has hit close to home, our home. Our last child flies the proverbial coop Friday and it’s official — my husband and I are empty nesters!
Where did time go? After just over 20 years, we found ourselves dropping our last child off at O’Hare en route to join her older sister in Los Angeles. It feels like it was just yesterday when I took a picture of my two girls posing with an umbrella in each of their hand. Even at a young age, my girls pretty much gave themselves away. The expressions on their faces have withstood the test of time. The hands on their hips captured the promise of what was to come 20 years later. The gregarious poses were blaring clues that growing up meant chasing their dreams and finding their true calling.
As little girls, they both loved everything that came with frills, bows and ribbons. All things pretty and pink filled their hearts and made their eyes sparkle. I was simply the mom who catered to their whim and did so with vigor and with the purpose of unquestionable indulgence. Nothing much has changed through the years.
My two girls are only 18 months apart and that could be one reason why they grew up really close and are even closer now. They were still very young when I left the Philippines and left them for almost six years. At that time, Tiff was almost 5 years old and Cathy was not even 3 and 1/2. As a mom, the time span that separated me from my 3 kids was the darkest that I’ve ever gone through in my life. No parent should go through that at all but my circumstances back then were different and the choice to leave had to be made. But that’s all water under the bridge now.
I am really trying my very best to not get overly emotional about all this. I debated whether I should go to work after we drop her off or stay home. I decided to go to work and welcome the distraction instead. I know that if I opted to take a day off, I would spend it at home being lonesome and staying in her room crying. That would not be good.
I remember how hard it was when Tiff left. It was even harder when we flew out to LA – James, Cathy, Tiff and me – and left Tiff there after a frenzied week. That was almost six years ago but the memory of that day is forever etched in my mind.
Folks have asked me why. Why is Cathy moving to Los Angeles? Is she going to school there? Is she going to do this, do that, do what? All kinds of questions.
In truth, I asked myself the same questions. Then after a lot of instrospecting, I realized a few things. My husband and I have raised mavericks as kids. They don’t like the status quo nor do they like to be stereotyped. Nothing was planned; it just happened that way. I could say the same for their older brother but since he’s staying put in Illinois, he takes a pass.
I also realized that the apple does not fall far from the tree. I was a maverick too so why should I expect my kids to be different? I left home when I was 20, not because I moved to some faraway land but because I had a baby and started a new life. The difference was I continued with school while I was pregnant and went back to school two weeks after my son was born and graduated. I had no choice. I had to finish school because I had something to prove.
My girls’ lives are however drastically different than mine. They have carved out their own paths and are resolute when it comes to what they want to be when they grow up. Just like the picture with the two of them holding their umbrellas, my two girls are performers. They want the stage to be their world. They want to let go of that inherent and gnawing desire to dance, act and sing. So as parents, we let them. Speaking for myself, I will never stand in their way. Never.
They are young and I am really okay with them sowing their wild oats. I am really okay with the idea that they will both be in Los Angeles giving their dreams a shot. I am really okay with the thought that although my girls are thousands of miles away, I know that they will wake up every day loving the “work” that they do in spite of people knocking them, pounding them, and slamming them. As little as they are, they are really tough girls especially the younger one.
Life for us will be really different from here on out. It has never been the same since our older daughter left but with the youngest leaving, our home will be a lot quieter. There will be the occasional barking from the pooches of course or little whimpers when our precious granddaughter visits us but it will never be the same.
It will be an empty nest, a mixed bag. Things will never be the same again. The time has come and although my heart is really heavy, I can still manage to smile a big smile for I know that in my heart that we have made the right decision. Well, it’s really not our decision but we’ve made the right decision by supporting our youngest daughter’s move.
It’s a mixed bag because I am really excited for her and her sister. My happiness at the thought that they will be together compensates for the void in my heart. They are better off as a team. They work best when they are together. They are a formidable tandem.
If there’s one thing that Tiff’s move to LA has taught me, it is to simply roll with the punches. It makes for a much simpler and happier life. Sure I’ll be sad, really, really sad but I find solace in the thought that my girls will be together in Los Angeles doing something about their dream and living their lives the way that God wants them to. Deep down in my heart, I know that we have God’s blessings. All I need to do is look at Tiff’s journey – from the time we left her back in January of 2005 to where she is now with her career in Hollywood, God’s imprint on her life is as glaring as my faith in Him. I offered everything about my 3 kids to Him and He will always be there to protect them and grant them their desires if that is what He wills.
Success is relative and definitely subject for interpretation. For some people, it could be a diploma, a degree, and a title after having followed a set path. For a few, it could be taking a detour instead of the straight line. The most important thing for me is my girls are giving their dreams a chance. At the end of the day, it is their life. And knowing my kids, failure won’t be an option either. That thought alone has single-handedly made the pain of separation bearable.
See, all five of us know that one day, we can poignantly think back to the time when they made their decision to move to Los Angeles and gave their dream a shot. We’ll have smiles on our faces while we’re sipping champagne somewhere exotic, wading our feet in the shallow waters of some infinity pool…only to realize that’s just a dream, for now. Unless you try, it will remain only a dream. But I know better!