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by Fred C. Wilson III
February 1, 2013
“Do not praise individuals for their good looks or loath anyone because of appearance alone.” -Sirach 11:2-
Saint, statesman and Renaissance man, Sir Thomas More said, “Romantic love is an illusion. Most of us discover this truth at the end of a love affair or else when the sweet emotions of love lead us into marriage and then turn down their flames.” Having married twice (his first wife died), St. Thomas knew his subject. The emotional high from being in love is a good thing. However there is a serious downside to love as emotion opposed to the real McCoy. Unless romantic infatuation evolves into love during the developmental process, it will die. Western societies are littered with the debris of failed romances. Broken homes, dysfunctional relationships, bad marriages, and other romance related societal ills have opened a Pandora’s Box of emotional tragedies. Watch the news; read the paper.
Sheri and Bob Stritof’s article ‘Romantic Love’ said “romantic love is when the chemicals in your brain kick in and you feel an emotional high, exhilaration, passion, and elation when you and your lover are together.” According to many social scientists American society has been transfixed into a state of perpetual adolescence. We’ve never grown up. Our 200 plus years as a nation made us none the wiser relation-wise. French novelist Gustave Flaubert’s ‘Madam Bovary’ is a vivid account of demanding too much from a romantic relationship. It’s a classic example of the cancer gnawing away at the American social mindset. For most of us the so-called ‘soulmate’ don’t exist though I suppose a pitiful few people find compatible romantic matches. Reader whomever you fall in love with, hook-up, or marry, your significant other will still be human. Only GOD is perfect though media spin doctors will have us believe otherwise. Many easily fall prey to their lies. Relationships build families. If families are flawed society will fall.
The old saying about love being blind describes romantic love. People in love want to be with their lovers all the time. The emotional high can last years. They overlook a multitude of faults in partners. Once reality sets in, things are different. Lovers realize that the infatuation/romantic love phase of relationships can wane quickly. Disillusionment sets in. Reader, if you’re romantically involved I don’t have to tell you how quickly faults you once overlooked in your significant other now make your skin crawl. Your patience grows thin. His snoring, her watching television 24/7 eats away at your emotional reserves. Her/His peccadilloes drive you mad! Being mature people, you soldier it out. You pray for the best. In time your perseverance may lead to a mature and lasting love goal of any relationship.
American secularist society is the enemy of love. The stress of modern ‘living’ is the death knell to the family, real romance, and eroticism. I read in TIME Magazine if I remember correctly that many Frenchmen were experiencing increased incidents of impotency; the root cause – stress of modern living. Today eroticism is equated with prostitution. Household pets get care and affection once reserved for humans. Children are considered expensive hindrances, preborn children as considered ‘invaders’ easily disposable and discarded along with the trash.
Anybody, any where, at anytime could be anyone’s soul mate. Case in point: My first wife and I were totally compatible. We shared similar cultures, were related, Catholics, active in our parish, and enjoyed good times. Our pastor told me that at Christmas he modeled his homilies after us. We were considered the model Catholic-Christian family. In 1979 we were selected to represent our parish to meet then Pope Blessed John Paul II when he visited Chicago! Our pastor was shocked when we divorced. We were married five years. The wonderful woman I am blessed with now are totally incompatible. We agree on nothing, disagree about everything and quarrel constantly. According to a marriage compatibility test we should have never married. We’ve come pretty close to calling it quits a number of times. Now we’ve been together over 22 years and have no intentions of ever throwing in the towel.
I’m a student of the old West. I guess being a native of the West Coast says something. In the course of my Western research I read that many pioneer marriage ceremonies were 6 seconds affairs:
Justice of the Peace: (to bride) “Want him?
Bride: (to groom) “Yep.”
Justice of the Peace: (to groom) “Want her?”
Groom: (to bride) “Yep.”
Justice of the Peace: (to couple) “Done-two dollars.”
Those marriages lasted a life time contrary to today’s budget busting unions which generally fizzle out after a mere 2-3 years. Reader if you ever have the time watch the 1956 TCM classic ‘A Catered Affair’ staring Bette Davis, Ernest Borgnine, Debbie Reynolds with other period stars. This movie is about a poor working class New York City family footing the bill for a fancy wedding nobody could afford; you’ll like it. Let me reiterate anybody could be married to anybody provided they have the will to make a successful go of it. LOVE IS AN ACT OF THE WILL NOT THE EMOTIONS though the latter may influence our choices.
The theme of the old Crosby, Stills, Nash tune ‘Love the one you’re with’ still holds true. There are far more compatible women/men who would make better spouses than your significant other but your wife/husband was the one you chose to spend your life with. If you left your spouse for a better person, that person will have a different set of problems, faults, failings of their own. They don’t make you a saint until after you’re dead. Only GOD is perfect; love the one you’re with.
Society must preserve and foster the family, which is the ‘Hub of Society.’ Aforementioned in previous articles national morality, IRS tax breaks, movies, media, etc. should all support/strengthen the American Family. Instead, society models itself on some of the most morally challenged, financially unfit, and emotionally bankrupt degenerates that ever existed. No wonder the new American hero’s name is ‘The Shooter.’ Broken families produce twisted offsprings.
All relationships start with ‘I love you.’ Out of these three words intellectual and sexual intimacy grows. From there most families are started, children are born and raised to adulthood. If the ‘I love you’ was based on lies, the relationship will starve to death. If growth takes place the falsity will attach itself like a cancer of the spirit eventually killing that family. With dysfunctional families on the rise, conventional units are in grave danger. If the current cultural trend continues traditional families will be severely proscribed by the anti-Christ in our society. God bless; we’ll discuss the rise of the homosexual in Part two ‘The Cardinal’s Letter.’ Happy Valentine’s Day!