A family tragedy

by Yoly Tumangan Tubalinal.
December 16, 2011
Three days after Thanksgiving, just as soon as we reached home from church, Bart received a call from his niece-in-law. She had bad news –her brother-in-law, Bart’s nephew, was taken to the San Francisco General Hospital and was in critical and unstable condition. She didn’t know the details of the story but all she could tell was Bart’s nephew was poured a pot of boiling water by his wife while he was sleeping. She also hit him in the head and back with a metal bat. She asked that we pray for him.
And prayed we did. We prayed for him incessantly and asked our church and pastor to do the same. But we left for the Philippines on December 5 and momentarily stopped praying as we became preoccupied with our travel. On December 10, while on our mini-lunch reunion in Cabanatuan, we got a call from the victim’s brother telling us the former had already expired. Our hearts sank. I thought of Bart’s sister, who till three days ago, still didn’t have any hint of what had happened to her son.
To protect the victim’s two young daughters, I will call the victim, Alex and the perpetrator, his ex wife, Carmen. Alex’s oldest daughter is a precocious 13-year-old who, though grieving for her father, still cared about her mother, who is currently in prison and faces 2 possible life sentences (for attempted murder and aggravated assault) even before Alex died.
Alex was a 37 year-old nurse who lived with his divorced wife, Carmen, 39. The arrangement, I gathered, was for economic reason since Alex had to pay for a house, an alimony and child support. Their two daughters are being raised by Alex’s family in the Philippines. Alex’s oldest brother, let’s call him Jay, who held a solitary vigil in the hospital while Alex was in induced coma, regularly reported Alex’s progress to the family through his facebook account. From him we learned that Alex suffered second and third degree burns in 60% of his body. It had been decided by the sisters and brothers not to tell their mother about Alex’s fate until he was stable and free from danger to spare her unnecessary pain and agony. They were holding on to their faith that Alex would pull through.
I watched with great admiration how this family pulled together in time of crisis. The oldest brother Jay bravely and patiently came to the hospital everyday and talked to the nurses and doctors about Alex’s condition. His sisters, a nurse in Ohio and 4 others in the Philippines, their cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, all of whom constantly expressed their love and prayers for Alex. They were a picture of one solid and deeply caring family whose virtues and deep faith in God shone throughout their ordeal.
Jay and his sisters requested their relatives to exercise restraint in expressing their emotions against Alex’s ex wife. While Alex was fighting for his life in the hospital, they asked everyone to focus on praying for his life, not on their anger against his ex wife and the savage way she inflicted harm on her ex husband.
How anyone in their position could so easily release forgiveness to someone who didn’t seem repentant at all, or if she were, wouldn’t have possibly shown it from her holding cell, only proved this family’s remarkable character. There was no bitterness, only sadness over such a loss and over the fact that dear Alex didn’t live long enough to see her daughters grow up or realize his plans of early retirement to spend the rest of his life in his beloved birthplace in Gigmoto, Catanduanes.
Alex, on the other hand, was God’s precious gift to his family. He was generous beyond words and had given of himself to those who needed him. He worked very hard, held two jobs and made investments for his children and family. He had provided very well for his children and his parents and had never withheld financial help from relatives and friends who needed it.
A memorial service was held in Alex’s honor at the hospital where he spent much of his waking hours for the past couple of years. After the mass, the hospital excused Alex’s co-workers for the rest of the day to allow them time to grieve. He touched so many people in his place of work that the impact of his death devastated them so.
Perhaps it won’t be till the New Year in January when Alex’s ashes would be transported to his family in Laguna. It will be spread in Mantalisay, a farm of his grandfather’s which he had planned to invest on and possibly live in.
This Christmas, it will be hard for Alex’s family to celebrate without feeling the pain of his absence. But just the same, they will gather around their usual dinner table in thanksgiving and in memory of this man, their son, brother and father whose spirit and legacy will remain their anchor to a new beginning.