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by Nelia Dingcong Bernabe
January 1, 2011
Where did 2010 go? Did it whisk by without making its indelible mark? As we said goodbye to 2010, most of us readied ourselves for the New Year and launched our resolutions into flight sooner than anybody can finish saying Happy New Year! We could not wait for 2011 to get here. We have been ready for months so we can start anew, have a clean slate, a second chance, and a do-over. In short – out with the old, in with the new!
New Year’s Eve came and in the midst of popping champagne corks, blowing horns, and feeling wildly happy and excited, we waited for the countdown with bated breaths. With our eyes glued to the New Year’s Eve Ball in Times Square – 3 – 2 – 1 – we cheered and raised our glasses for the arrival of 2011 with unbridled mirth when the ball finally dropped. Happy New Year! As we high-fived everyone and gave away a profusion of celebratory kisses to our loved ones and strangers alike, we quietly promised to make the necessary changes in our lives in 2011.
Quickly we ran through these changes one by one like an untouched Christmas shopping list on Christmas Eve. But before the ball dropped and the countdown got to 1, we magically produced “the” list that we profess to make good come hail, snow or sleet.
In that list, we promise to become better as people, we remind ourselves that this is going to be the year that we lose the weight and as a side note, we swear that it’s for real this time. We commit to paying or scaling down our debt. Our social conscience gets awakened after being peppered by so much bad news that we promise to become our brother’s keeper and pledge to pay it forward.
And so the story continues – the to-do-good list goes on and on.
But for the millions who have been displaced by unemployment and have been grappling with painful socio-economic realities, their New Year’s resolution in contrast to the rest of the population is primal: to find a job – any job! I pray in earnest that they do and that America will finally turn a corner and the privileged few who are entrusted in making our lives better will stand by their political campaign promises with firm volition and take care of the helpless before another year is over.
If you’re like me who refuses to make any resolutions, thinking about another new year feels like a bowl of steaming chicken soup on a really cold day in Chicago. It allows me to freeze time and reflect on the past year and see what needs to be done to nurture and empower my mind, body and soul.
Reflection is good for it allows us to slow down and take a good, hard look at what we can change, improve, and let go in our lives. It allows us to see what strengths we can further build on and it motivates us to keep pushing the limits of our comfort zone and do something that can make a difference in someone’s life.
Like fine wine, we should improve with age. I dare say (at my age) we should be at a point in our lives where a distorted sense of entitlement should have been left behind in the 1980s along with shoulder pads and leg warmers. In its place, a more compassionate and humble us.
A new year should also allow us to recognize our vulnerabilities and frailties as human beings even if we find ourselves at a crossroad or a difficult situation. In short, now is a good time to remind ourselves that we are not perfect and like the rest of the human population, we make mistakes, will make mistakes and will continually be shaped by the lessons we learn from our mistakes. A footnote. For the purpose of driving my point on the good we get out of reflecting on the past year, I took the liberty of using the word mistake in that context. I, too, am a staunch believer that in life, there are no mistakes but only lessons to be learned.
The act of reflecting sounds unhurried and not disconcerting at all. With the right music, you physically encapsulate yourself in what can be described as a perfect moment. It may be different for some people; it could be a daunting proposition. The ability to sit down and peel off the layers of untruths and expose what’s underneath may not be appealing to a lot of people. As a matter of fact, I don’t think many would do it. This is when making a resolution – a great standby – becomes the next best thing to do.
Prominent in my reflecting pool this past year and more so in the coming years is the ability to drown out the voices of judgmental people and those who possess delusions of grandeur. I invoke a sense of compassion for the first one and encourage embracing humility for the latter. I respect their sense of entitlement from a 100-mile distance; it emanates from refusing to fall into the same toxic vat. It’s one thing to have an opinion but it’s a different story when it is vicious, malevolent, and comes from a malicious heart.
The same could be said about people who have attained a perceived stature in life that they have become numb to the struggles of other people. Those who have managed to build themselves pedestals made out of self-approval, self-centeredness, and narcissistic traits need to get off their high horse once in a while and allow themselves the luxury of savoring what it feels like to be, umm, a person without the hype and without the self-induced layers.
After all, life is way too short to be the cause of other people’s misery. Life per se has become quite a challenge so why have the propensity to muck it up some more? If God has given you gifts, use them to make this world a better place. Learn how to share. Learn how to be kinder and gentler. Learn to filter what comes out of your mouth so nobody has to be the recipient of your vile. Learn to empathize.
There’s no denying that the New Year triggers a different kind of anticipation and excitement. By the same token and with the same intensity if not more, we unfurl our hope along with it for the promise of a much better life, a better world, and a better planet. As we take baby steps in our concerted effort toward these goals, we need to think past making resolutions that we are bound to break.
Instead reflect on the New Year and the question: what’s looking back at you? Hopefully the answer is not your old self but an improved, less judgmental, less self-centered, humble, kinder, and forgiving you.
Happy New Year everybody! Blessings for a peaceful, joyful, and meaningful 2011!