ShareThis
by Nelia Dingcong Bernabe
November 12, 2010
Self-discovery, like the proverbial “light bulb moment,” could happen anywhere at any given time. It springs up unannounced and forces us to delve deeper within ourselves to seek out answers that would otherwise be overlooked.
It may well just be a one-time thing for some or it could be a series of events for others. Whatever the case may be, it’s an empowering experience to go through especially when you’re driving on the highway to go downtown for a 3-day conference.
Nothing is more conducive for these light bulb moments to pop up than being stuck in traffic with a friend and a really deep conversation ensues between the two of you. Next thing you know, you’re like – Whoa, I just discovered something about myself!
But before I ramble on, let me just put this out there. My self-discovery came after my friend and I had a meaningful conversation about religion and spirituality. It was one of those really meaty talks between two women who are trying to get to know each other.
It was interesting to find out the many things we share in common, well, at least from my perspective. Since we are both Catholics, it was easier for us to see things in the same light and empathize with each other. We talked about our relationship with God and the many ways we profess and show our faith.
If I were ever asked whether I am religious or spiritual as was the case when we were cruising along I-90, my immediate answer would hands down be the latter. After my friend asked me that, she threw a follow-up query at me. Do you go to church? My answer was another quick one. Yes, every Sunday. Then the “why” question came next. Why do I go to church? This time, I had to take a step back and really think of how I was going to answer.
Why do people go to church? Why do I go to church?
It took a while for me to respond but once I figured out why, sparks started flying in my head and that aha moment bolted out of obscurity as I immersed myself in finding the perfect answer.
In the course of our conversation about religion and spirituality, my friend told me that although she does not go to church every Sunday, she believes in action more than words. She tells me that she’s a humanist, somebody who strives to do the right thing all the time and one who is always there for other people. Because we work together and I’ve known her for over a year, I totally get it because I’ve seen her in action and I’ve seen how she is with other people.
In my case, I go because I need the structure of church in my life. If you were a Catholic, you would know what I mean but even if you’re not, you probably have an idea as to what happens during mass. There’s a beginning, middle and an end. There’s a set order by which things are done and the muted reverence lends to a solemn celebration that encourages meditation and prayers.
I told my friend that my motivation also comes from knowing that my mother goes to church every day. But my light bulb moment came right after I was telling her all these when all of a sudden I realized that going to church every Sunday reminded me of my childhood at the Chinese Catholic school that I went to back in the islands.
I am embracing the structure of Sunday mass so tightly because subconsciously it draws poignant parallelisms in my life now as an adult and when I was a young kid growing up and learning about my religion and its tenets. It is a way for me to connect my past with my present; a way of melding my memories of my life in the islands to my life now; and foremost, the structure of the Sunday mass allows me to deal with the painful distance of being far away from my loved ones. It’s my way of coping.
It’s amazing what crawling through traffic could do or bring out. Our 3-day drive gave me the opportunity to be a part of one of the most revealing and heartwarming conversations I’ve ever had in a long time. Not only was I given the chance to get to know my friend but also going through that light bulb moment was truly a jolting experience.
But every person is different. The structure of the Sunday mass or service may not be for everyone and that’s really okay. However for others, it is a staple that has to be present in their lives every week.
Regardless of what you believe in and regardless of what weighs more in your heart, I am truly appreciative of my aha moment for it allowed me to see beyond the structure of the Sunday mass. It was also a lesson in vulnerability and trust. Anytime people are able to share their innermost feelings and allow each other to learn from the experience, it’s a gift that will be treasured forever.
The 3-day drive that my friend and I shared translates to over six hours of driving time. It’s remarkable how much you learn about a person given that time. Even more remarkable for me is what I’ve discovered about myself in just such a short time.
Beyond the structure of the Sunday mass or church service, religion or spirituality is where you’ll find the happy place. It’s a place where open-mindedness thrives, it’s why people go to mass or church service regularly, it’s why people are humanists and strive to do good, it’s where conversations evolve to mutual respect and admiration, it’s where the good in every man lies.
Why do I go to church, you ask? It’s one day a week that I am reminded that in life, a little structure goes a long way.