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October 8, 2010
He had to pay the ultimate price. Death. His own death.
Nobody knew his name until word got out that a Rutgers University freshman killed himself by jumping off the George Washington Bridge. Tyler Clementi was only 18 years old. A promising musician, a son, and a friend. Foremost, he was way too young to die.
Circumstances behind his suicide are public knowledge by now. What he thought were his private and intimate moments became two people’s voyeuristic fodder. For the two, now charged with the crime of invasion of privacy for using a webcam, it was most likely an adrenaline rush. The main perpetrator who got away with it once, decided to do it a second time. It was a rush that reduced his sense of compassion to pieces, a rush that crushed all his sensibilities and rendered him callous and wiped out his ability to distinguish right from wrong.
The conniving duo got so wrapped up in their idea of fun at the time that they forgot what most kids their age tend to forget — that every action has a consequence. I am sure they never intended for it to end the way it did, much more cause somebody to die. But given what has happened, Tyler Clementi’s death is a rude wake up call to all, not just college kids, who feel invincible, arrogant and who think that they can just violate people who are different from them and walk away thinking that it’s okay.
A friend of the main perpetrator said that he believes that he would have done the same thing – broadcast the live images on the Internet – if his subjects were a hetero couple. Hard to prove in this case but latest word on the street is prosecutors are going for a steeper punishment and pursue the bias angle, a second-degree offense that carries up to 10 years in prison.
Support for Tyler has grown by leaps and bounds. Last time I checked, there are 14 Facebook pages in honor of him with thousands of people making their voices heard. Celebrities have come forward to speak against gay bullying. YouTube has become a popular platform for airing public service announcements from celebrities and non-profit groups decrying gay bullying.
Tyler’s untimely death has stirred a social conscience that could no longer negate the harsh reality that gay bashing or bullying exists, has gotten worse and therefore should no longer be ignored. The time for action is now. Gay teens have resorted to suicide and it should not be the case. One death is simply one too many.
For a lot of people, suicide is never the answer but for some people, it is the only way out. I have a lot of gay friends and I am not one to judge. Never. I grew up with them, went to school with them, and worked with them. Quite a few have remained my good friends and a handful I hold dear in my heart. I heard their stories, saw firsthand what some of them have to endure, and suffered with them as jeers were thrown their way. It was not fun.
Homophobia is a fact of life. It ignores gender, geography, race and religion. Homophobia acted upon is the breeding ground for ignorance to rear its ugly head and for respect to become nonexistent. It also turns into this vicious playground for people who find the need to exert power over those whose voices are drowned out, the insecure, and those in need to prove their worth by putting others down.
There are two faces to this tragedy – Tyler and the two young people who pushed him to his death. The sad part about this whole thing is the lives of these three families will never be the same ever again.
In a blink of an eye, the world of the two kids who have caused all this pain have turned upside down and downside up in ways that they could not have imagined. Theirs is a painful and slow death.
The efforts by many to put an end to gay bullying should be applauded. It’s an important step towards healing and reconciliation in honor of Tyler. The new legislative effort to ensure that colleges and universities have anti-harassment policies should be applauded. U.S. Senator Frank R. Lautenberg (D-NJ) is drafting legislation that would require colleges to create policies prohibiting the harassment of any student. The bill would also provide funding for schools to establish programs to deter harassment of students, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) college students.
A young life full of promise was snuffed out just like that as a result of two people’s complete disregard of the consequence of their action. The volatile part about Tyler’s case and gays in general is other than the person himself or herself, no one has the right to “out” that person prematurely. “Coming out” in a gay person’s life is major, it must not be rushed, and it is a serious matter that should not be made fun of. In short, if you dare to judge, a word of caution: Leave them alone!
We have made gargantuan strides when it comes to advancing the world by our remarkable progress in technology and the shrinking of our global village as a result of this but we’ve also seemingly managed to take gargantuan steps backwards in the arena of basic decency and our moral conscience.
When you visit Tyler’s memorial page on Facebook, there’s a YouTube link that shows him playing the violin to Chris Tomlin’s song, Glory in the Highest. The video was posted on December 13, 2009. Almost 10 months later, this video has become a testament to a life gone too soon.
On October 20, 2010, people across the country will be wearing purple to honor Tyler and five other young gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks as a result of bullying. Over 40,000 have signed up for the “Wear Purple to Honor Victims of Homophobic Abuse” event on Facebook. For the sake of basic human decency, take a stand and show your support. If not for anything else, take a stand to uphold respect.
Come Wednesday, October 20th, I know what color I’m wearing. Do you?