ShareThis
Sept 3, 2010
I heard about her from my two girls who mention her name in the same breath as guru, teacher, mentor and swami if she were a he. She’s an author, a no-nonsense fashion publicist, always wears black sans make-up, and has a following among empowered young women who’ve decided to not follow the yellow brick road.
Kelly Cutrone, author of If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You, tells it like it is in her book that came out early this year and offers no excuses for her no-BS stance. She says, “I think women have been programmed to be the prettiest, skinniest, best girl, to be really skinny and wear pretty clothes and go to college and get a great degree and then come out and get a great job, and then find a guy and get married, and get pregnant and have a baby, and sorta live happily ever after. And my take is that doesn’t really allow for a lot of freedom for them to figure out like, is that who they really are. And so, this is the book for like the village girl who doesn’t wanna do things in the order that their mother said, like first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. This is for the person who wants to find themselves and be who they are, regardless of their gender, and make the most of their life.”
I have not read her book but between my two girls, I’ve heard the best parts of it. They picked through her quotes and recited them to me like a litany of Sunday prayers. My ears have been bombarded with sentences that start with Kelly said this and Kelly said that. My curiosity peaked; I did a little digging and came across a bunch of Cutrone-isms that are dead on especially when one has two daughters who’ve decided to take the path less traveled. I felt good after digesting her quotes for now I know that I’m not going loony.
I have been scrambling for answers ever since the younger of my two girls came to us over two months ago with her revelation that she wanted to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-expression. She said she wants to follow her older sister to Los Angeles and give her dream a shot. First thing that came to my mind was, “Oh boy, not her too!” I started having flashbacks immediately. The events of January 2005 came rushing back and the rollercoaster ride that her older sister has taken us through these years became quite palpable. I asked myself, “Do I have any energy left to go through this for the second time?” But then again, having energy was not the issue really. When I realized that she was serious, I caught myself staring into space and wondering what, if any, have we done differently to prompt our girls to take the unconventional route instead of hacking it out in college then get a nice job, get married and have kids by the time they’re in their mid 20s.
Like Cutrone said, as parents, we have this stereotypical definition of what our children’s lives should be and expect them to follow suit. Early in their lives, we pound it in their heads that the traditional way is the only way and any deviation is pretty much sacrilegious.
Or so I thought. With the courage that my youngest daughter showed us when she unveiled her plan that involves a major detour to the west coast, it jolted me to come to terms with her testing the waters. After all, the beauty about being young is the ability to live your dreams, make mistakes along the way and learn from them. I thought about the novelty of taking the unconventional route, the one that my oldest daughter has navigated for over five years now and the same one that my youngest will take in two weeks. In the eyes of some, one daughter would have sufficed. Finding out that the second one is about to do the same thing has left some scratching their heads. Not me.
Although I reasoned with our youngest child, I only did it to make certain that she knows what she’s getting herself into. It didn’t take long for her to convince me that her plan, which is riddled by words to live by a la Cutrone, has a propensity to work. How can you say no to her when she asks, “How do you even know if it’s going to work if you don’t even try?” I remember telling my very good friend recently how my kids have turned out different than what fits the mold. Instead of talking about what college they go to and what big projects they have at school, I usually find myself telling people about my oldest girl’s next gig, when she’s coming home, and what she’s up to.
In two weeks, it’ll be twice the fun! Not fitting the mold is a running theme in my family. In a lot of ways, Kelly Cutrone is describing my own life. Mine wasn’t one of those winter, spring, summer or fall order of continuous flow. In truth, it was more like somebody took all four seasons, threw them inside a bottle, shook it really hard and started pulling them out slowly to reveal quite a different order of life events. As they say, variation is a spice of life. And as I’ve proven myself, starting backwards does not necessarily mean finishing last. Raising mavericks has a lot of merits. One that sticks out the most for me is the excitement that comes with not knowing what’s going to happen next. As a parent, there’s nothing more invigorating and rewarding than watching your children live their lives the way they want to and succeed, and not how we want them to.
Sure there are lots of sleepless nights and tattered nerves but Cutrone has it right. As a mother, I won’t be able to forgive myself if I don’t allow my children to find themselves and discover who they truly are. Truthfully, raising mavericks should come easy by now. I’ve had a lot of practice with the first one after all. So when it’s time for our youngest daughter to take position and flap her wings in two weeks, I should be ready, right? Wrong! The impending separation never gets easy and that will never change. Do I still have time to change my mind?