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Before there was Facebook, before there was cell phone texting, before there was Instagram and Twitter, there was a time when my wife, Edna, and I would just lie quietly in bed, reading books.
On my side of the bed lay a stack of books generally about politics, history and law. On Edna’s side were books about religion, personal growth and inspirational accounts of lives well-lived.
One night, about 20 years ago, I stopped what I was reading and talked to my wife about my utter frustration with all the destructive intrigues and petty backbiting in the Filipino community. I had written about this debilitating phenomenon in one of my first columns in Philippine News in October of 1987. In “Crab Mentality”, I wrote about the propensity of Filipinos to pull down those who may be seen as climbing out of the crab basket we’re stuck in.
Instead of counseling strength and acceptance of the slings and arrows that go with being a public figure in the San Francisco Filipino community, my wife instead suggested I read the book she had just finished, “Mother Theresa, Missionary of Charity.”
I was tired of all the “heavy” books I was reading anyway so I welcomed the respite a book about a living saint would provide.
In Mother Theresa’s book, I ran across a verse on the wall in her room in a home for orphaned children in Calcutta. It was a verse that greeted her when she woke up in the morning and that greeted her before she slept at night.
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
The words of Mother Theresa’s verse had a soothing, calming effect on me. It lifted a burdensome weight off my shoulders.
The next day, I placed the verse at the back of the calling cards I was preparing for my law office, to serve as a constant reminder to me and to whoever may read it.
After I finished reading Mother Theresa’s book, I turned to my wife and thanked her for sharing it with me.
Today, July 22, is the 35th anniversary of our trip down the aisle of St. Andrew’s Church in Daly City, California. That was 12,775 days ago and that first day was the busiest day of my life.
We had no wedding planner back then, nor could we afford one as I was a senior in law school and Edna had just started her nursing career. So I took on the task of organizing and preparing the wedding and reception at the Kabuki Theatre Hall in Japantown (before it was converted into a movieplex).
One of our ninongs (wedding sponsors) coming all the way from Delano was farmworker leader Philip Vera Cruz, accompanied by five Filipino farmworkers from the Agbayani Village. Flying all the way from Seattle was another ninong, Fred Cordova, along with his wife Dorothy, who was also our ninang. They were the founders of the Filipino American National Historical Society (FANHS). Philip and Fred were among my closest friends and mentors since I moved to the US in 1971.
Officiating at our wedding was Fr. Bruno Hicks, one of two American priests deported by Ferdinand Marcos after he declared martial law in September 1972. Fr. Hicks had been organizing the sacada sugar cane workers of Negros into operating self-help cooperatives when the authorities arrested him for being a subversive.
When he moved to San Francisco after his deportation, Fr. Hicks immersed himself in the Franciscan Charities which formed a nonprofit group called the Tenderloin Neighborhood Development Corporation which purchased four buildings and preserved 300 units of low-cost housing run by cooperatives. TNDC now operates six buildings with 540 units even though Fr. Hicks is no longer around.
There were a million and one details to consider that day even as the wedding began. As I walked down the aisle with my parents, I just knew there was something I forgot.
We went through the rituals of a Catholic wedding ceremony, one by one, as I kept thinking of the detail I forgot.
Finally, we were at the exchange of vows. Edna began by reading her vows of love, sacrifice and affection that were simply the most beautiful words anyone had ever said to me.
And then it hit me. That’s what I forgot – my vows! While I was totally enthralled by what Edna was saying, my mind was panicking as it hurriedly assembled some words that could coherently express my feelings of love for my bride.
But now Edna had finished and it was my turn. I smiled and looked at her and blurted out what was in my head, “Edna, I am touched.” There were some giggles from the church audience but the giggles soon turned into an ocean of laughter. Everyone, including Edna and the priest, were laughing out loud (before there was LOL).
I know I somehow managed to say some words about promising to love her through all the trials and tribulations of life or something like that. At that point, people were laughing so loudly, no one heard me. And so I joined in heartily laughing at myself.
When I saw Edna laughing, I felt so relieved. She was not looking at me with recrimination for forgetting to prepare my vows. She was laughing naturally because it was a funny moment.
Whatever apprehensions I may have had about the prospect of spending the rest of my life with her disappeared with that laughter. This will be a fun ride, I thought to myself.
It has been a fun ride, sometimes like a roller coaster with ups and downs, highs and lows. She has been the right partner for me even as I work every day to be the right partner for her.
We’re signing up for 35 more years.
(Check out “Rodel & Edna Rodis” on YouTube. Send your comments to Rodel50@gmail.com or mail them to the Law Offices of Rodel Rodis at 2429 Ocean Avenue, San Francisco, CA 4127 or call 415.334.7800).