Memorial Day Remembrance : Honoring Our Silent Heroes, Giving the Peace They Call Us To

by Paul Ballard
June 1, 2013
~ “But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate – we cannot consecrate – we cannot hallow – this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract.” ~ Abraham Lincoln, 1863.
~ “The gratitude of every home in our Island, indeed throughout the world, goes out to the airmen who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the War by their prowess and their devotion.” ~ Winston Churchill, 1940.
~ “Military action is inauspicious – it is only considered because it is a matter of life and death, and there is the possibility it may be taken up lightly.” ~ Sun Tzu, 350 B.C.E.
~ “War is the continuation of politics by other means” ~ Karl von Clausewitz, 1834
~ “There never was a good War, or a bad Peace.” ~ Benjamin Franklin, 1783.
~ “Mankind must put an end to war or war will put an end to mankind.” ~ John F. Kennedy, 1961.
~ “The unconscious is the ocean of the unsayable, of what has been expelled from the land of language, removed as a result of ancient prohibitions.” ~ Italo Calvino, 1969
~ “If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel’s heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence.” ~ George Eliot, 1872.

~ “When I was young my heart and head were light,
And I was gay and feckless as a colt
But now my heart is heavy-laden, I sit
Burning my dreams away beside the fire:
For death has made me wise and bitter and strong;
And I am rich in all that I have lost.
Bring me the darkness and the nightingale;
Dim wealds of vanished summer, peace of home,
and silence, and the faces of my friends.” ~ Siegfried Sassoon, 1918.

~ “ And when they ask us, and they’re surely going to ask us,
Oh, we’ll never tell them, no, we’ll never tell them…
Oh’ we’ll never tell them, oh, we’ll never tell them
There was a front, but damned if we knew where.” ~ ‘Oh What a Lovely War’ musical review, 1963.

Last weekend I sat watching the pageantry of Memorial Day parade in Washington D.C., later listening to the military brassiness, precision of Memorial Day concert on the Mall. Annual rituals observed with my family for many years but especially poignant this year. For America is finally ending two long costly wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. And now, also, the War on Terror that perhaps never was – or should have been – a war at all? Memorial Day here is almost always a sunny day in late May. The beginning of summer. When swimming pools open and we all go to the beach. Quite different from Remembrance Day early November in London, where I grew up. Usually frigid and cold with gray overcast skies. Raincoat weather getting ready for winter. A sea of red poppies on raincoat and overcoat lapels – signs of our remembrance. But the purpose is the same, even if the manner of expression is quite different. For, this is one day of the year, as a society and as individuals, we give ourselves permission to mourn, to grieve the tragic loss of loved ones, of young men and women fallen in conflicts past for their country. It’s just that we Brits are more reserved, more stiff-upper-lip. While, we Americans are more exuberant, more openly emotional.

But what is this Remembrance really about? Why are those who fought and survived so often deeply silent for so long about what they went through? Memorial Day recalls above all the past, but what should we learn for the future? About how our society, our world handle conflict?
The Spirit of Remembrance Observed : For thousands of years, human society and individuals have felt a deep abiding ambivalence about war and conflict. As the wide gamut of views above show, at one and the same time, we see courage in war and war itself as worthy of high praise, as necessary. But we shrink from the untold horror of its bloody consequences. We use bravado combined with humor to mask the unimaginable savagery. We dehumanize conflict then push it firmly into a distant corner of our individual and collective psyches in order to retain our humanity. Once a major war is over, we hasten to put it behind us, to move on. It’s as if the guilt about the destruction and violence were too much to face for long. Our political and military leaders praise the sacrifice of the fallen, necessary for the safety of the country, the tribe, for the victory gained. Individually, veterans of war – especially front line combat – repress what they have seen, experienced. Then, once a year, on Memorial Day or Remembrance Day, we loosen our inhibitions. We carefully stage manage cathartic ceremonies of remembrance, celebrations of victory. And we allow individuals quietly, but openly, to mourn their lost loved ones. Alongside parades and concerts across the country, Rolling Thunder, in national cemeteries we see individual figures – often wives, parents, children – bent and kneeling over small crosses, quietly communing with loved ones lost.
The Power of Silence and Moving On : Coming out of war, we often have two different silent heroes : The dead who no longer can tell us what they experienced. And the battlefield combat survivors, who most often do not want to tell us of war’s full brutality. Never having fought myself, like many I am sure, I learned this from my father and grand-father. As a boy growing up in post-World War II Britain, I knew in general terms my father had served as a major in the Royal Artillery (Kent Yeomanry Regiment) and seen action in North Africa, in Palestine and in Italy. For years, my brother and I played with his now discarded uniform, medals, now empty gun holster, major’s cap. But for over twenty years, my father refused to recount his personal experiences of war. All we were ever told – in jocular fashion – was that in the desert sand was a problem – it got everywhere. That was why my godfather Reg – my father’s comrade in arms – had to be circumcised – he got sand in the wrong place! Then, one Sunday over lunch, after many years, something triggered my father to talk of his war experiences. Like a torrent unleashed, he spoke for hours. He told us what it was like to be besieged in Tobruk for over a year, to run out of clean water, almost out of food and ammunition. he told us of the very bloody bombardments in Italy. By the end, he was perspiring greatly – as if reliving it all. My grand-father served in World War I as a motorcycle dispatch rider between the front lines and command HQ. Like my father, he never spoke of his war time. But my grand-mother said later when he returned aged twenty he looked an old man and had nightmares often. He visited Flanders and all the World War I battlefields yearly for the rest of his life, stopping at the graves of his friends. As a returning G.I. once said : “I came back with a totally different outlook on life.”
War, Heroism and Peacemaking : On Memorial Day we rightly remember men and women who gallantly fought. But we do not always recall what they fought for or why they fought at all. Nor is it clear that wars always inevitably turn out “right” in terms of resolving major conflicts and leading us to a brighter, safer more stable future. The crushing weight of reparations payments imposed upon defeated Germany after World War I contributed greatly to the depression that led to World War II. On the other hand, the later generation who fought and gained victory over the Nazism are rightly credited with doing a far better job at making peace than did their forebears at Versailles in 1919. They made a clear distinction between the tyranny and brutality of Nazism as a regime and the many millions of Germans and others forced to fight for it, whether they liked to or not. Instead of reparations, the victors helped rebuild a new democratic and free Germany by supporting the Germans who created it. Thus they ensured lasting peace. So, when wars break out because of deep conflicts, they can truly end only when a just and lasting peace is found. Most often this is achieved through freedom and self-determination for the losers as much as for the victors.
So, perhaps “silence” is the price we pay for retaining our humanity. Our ability to make peace. Memorial Day should thus proudly remember not just the warriors who fought and died. But also the peace makers. As the Bible rightly says : “for they will be the children of God”.
I, for one, earnestly hope that our political leaders will look to the future in the full spirit of what Memorial Day – and Remembrance Day – can and should mean for all of us!
A Blessed Memorial Day to All!