On Social Power and Isolation

by Arnold De Villa
May 16, 2013
In corporate America, among some traditional executives, there is a Machiavellian notion that it is safer to be feared than loved. The power suit with a matching dark tie evokes the sense of serious business in all its rigid structure. For some reason, power is attractive and so is the force that comes with it. We unknowingly succumb to the influences of power, and we cringe within the safety of its credible influence – cultural values entwined within the norms of dominion.
Among the mentally unhealthy and violent fanatics, it is unfortunate that this power frequently culminates in the untimely death of innocent victims even worse than the aftermath of an unpredictable tornado. Violence has been a mainstay on many newspaper headlines. There are students killing students, kids attacking their teachers, gangs shooting innocent bystanders, babies being thrown from cars, and so much more that we have learned to adjust to this daily dose of tragedy as if they were a normal part of life. Just recently, a British soldier was brutally slaughtered in broad daylight by a religious fanatic who had the audacity to videotape his face and post it on-line.
The fight for existence has attached itself to the debasing power of anger, cruelty and violence, oftentimes perceived as necessary tools for survival. Hence, the road rage, the threats, the cold indifference, the insults and the insensitive tendencies of man against man, woman against her neighbor, and mobs against a passer-by. The etiology of this dismal human behavior has partially been traced to that of an abnormal social environment, unfavorable domestic conditions or both. They are sometimes disguised as an ideology, at times as erroneous beliefs, but almost always, as extensions of psychosocial handicaps.
Enter Daniel Goleman Ph. D., the “Social Intelligence” guru whose research asserts that our social relationships have a direct impact on our health and argues that the quality of our human interactions have an explicit effect on the physiological conditions of our well-being. Amiable interactions in an amicable ambience are now deemed to have more weight in exerting influence than the power of a traditional authority. Likewise, it is also thought that an abnormal violent behavior could probably be healed through improved social interactions and upgraded social conditions. So perhaps we gave birth to “casual Fridays” because of this, a day in the week when the usual uniform sheds off for fashion among women and simple slacks instead of the power suit for men. The form factor affects the movement. Movement affects our bearing. And bearing dictates the way we deal with others. Suddenly the inflexible linear relationship from boss to subordinates paves way to peer relationships and social networking. The boss becomes more of a boss when the boss behaves like a peer and when horizontal social interactions are implemented more than the hierarchical interventions of executive decisions.
Going even deeper or probably higher, Facebook, Tweeter and LinkedIn all seemed to have replaced the old office memo that only required readership without a space to respond. Businesses are using the tools from these Social Sites for almost everything from marketing, campaigns, advertising, job solicitation, and networking. Hopefully, the well maintained social interaction at any time, in any given moment, and on any occasion, will validate Goleman’s proposition on the benefits of good social relationships.
I do not refute the fact that when people have healthy relationships, a pleasant well-being follows and a healthy individual emerges. What I somewhat refute is that Social Networking sites or apps or hubs are not that all social. In fact, I think that they are somewhat isolating in nature. Their designers had the right intention, but no system could ever be as perfect as their designers intend. There will be loop holes, glitches and open spaces for other uses besides the initial intent.
I did sign up for Facebook. And through it I met old friends and met new ones. And then I signed up for Tweeter without being totally aware that it was more of a micro blogging site than a social network. I would say that tweeter is a place for people who like to talk in small segments but in a chronic manner. And then we have the professional LinkedIn, the employment writing board wherein members tend to market their skills with hopes for an upgraded employment. All of them, originally designed to foster improved social networks, speedier interactions, and function with consistent presentations. My stats currently indicate that I have reached the maximum number of “friends” at Facebook, amassed more than a thousand followers at Tweeter, and linked myself to more than a hundred connections at LinkedIn. Did my “Social Intelligence” improve? Are the numbers an accurate representation of a healthy well-being? In my case, the answer is not exactly. And for others, the answer is actually the opposite.
Isolation has been one among the several unexpected results of virtual social interactions. The case in point is that virtual social interactions cannot replace the three dimensional rendezvous of human beings in actual space. True “Friends” in Facebook are “friends” even before Facebook. Tweeter really does not care about this. And LinkedIn is purely a marketing ploy. When these three are abused, social isolation transpires and not social interaction. The sad thing is that those who abuse it do not realize it. They do believe and are convinced that the stranger at the other end of the fiber optic line has ceased being a stranger and that those who read the microblogs are more than just followers of thoughts.
Daniel Goleman also asserts that toxic relationships are poisonous. I agree. In this case, isolation is a lesser evil. An old cliché even argues that it is better to be alone than to be with bad company. But when we are liked by 5,000 friends at Facebook, when we are connected to more than 500 connections at LinkedIn and when we attract more than 2,000 followers at Tweeter, there seems to be a mirage of self-importance, and a belief that we are having a true social interaction. I leave this portion to your own deliberation.
Social intelligence is an essential skill. Human beings are social beings. Isolation is not normal. And power will only come to those who have developed the ability for healthy social skills. Such a power is a power that empowers and not a power that enforces or imposes. Toxic relationships are those that degrade rather than enhance. Flee from them when you can and while you can.
As I end this self-imposed temporary isolation, I have to go back to respond to Tweeter requests and see if I have any important tags at Facebook. In a day or two, I will decide not to use any of them and start living the real social life. That, my friend, is where social power will truly emerge from.