The Silence of Christmas

by Arnold De Villa
December 16, 2012
Despite our good intentions – helping others, being kind, listening to other people’s woes, maintaining a friendly chat – there will always be moments when someone crosses our point of saturation, tamper with our equilibrium and ding our patience. There will always be that one person capable and able to annoy us for whatever reason or without any reason. For that reason, the effort to understand will only be an effort without rewards. The only sane thing left to do would be to flee while we can, and run while the iron has not yet landed on that person’s head.
There is virtue in silence, especially when that silence is contained in a positive effort not to harm with the vitriolic remarks of ire, with the debasing attitude of sarcasm, or the careless whimsy of criticism. Silence is the unheard note that converts a simple musical staff into vast mass of delectable harmony. The wise and the healthy will respect this silence. They will extol and appreciate it. For the sickly troubled soul, however, silence is agony, a condition emerging from the pain of isolation and a comorbidity of bitter loneliness.
Within the health care practice, silence is considered therapeutic, a skill that is learned only through experience. There are moments when words cannot console and whatever we say will only be a meaningless sound. Those moments transpire when all we can do is stand beside the grieving or the sick and offer something positive from the presence we can afford. We can only look back, listen and do everything in our minds to control an unnecessary response.
Going back to that person, the one with the unique ability to take away our equilibrium, have you ever tried silence; not to the silence of tolerance, but the silence of letting be? When we intently waive our right to speak and forget about the laws for self-expression, when we offer our unwilling ears to the presence of another human being, no matter what kind of human that being is, magic sometimes takes place. We become kind even without the intent of kindness. Either that annoying person will leave us in peace or conversion takes place and annoyance miraculously becomes friendship instead.
Let it be. Remember the song? “When I find myself in times of troubles….Mother Mary comes to me…speaking words of wisdom…” I never knew if the Beatles were Catholics and were referring to the Blessed Virgin or their Mother Mary was really a mother. Yes, I agree with them, let it be. Just let it be. Solutions are responses to a problem that does not always mean action. Reactions that work are not restricted to responses. And responses that consider times of silence are sometimes more effective than anything else.
I have always admired individuals who keep their calm and maintain a stable demeanor even when my voice extends beyond their ability to hear. I wish to break their secret. No matter how passionate I explain my point, they calmly smile, nod their heads, and humbly show signs that they do understand. Between the former person and this latter one, this latter one is desirable. The former is necessary.
People are a tough mystery to unravel. There is this invisible chemistry between human interactions completely in control of possible outcomes that we cannot calculate. Personalities are like keys that open different kinds of keyholes. The wrong keyhole to a right key or the right key to a wrong keyhole does not exist. There is one single match. When it strikes, things happen. I still admire that person with a cool demeanor, but I think I cannot do away with that person whose only task is to annoy me.
In the end, I think Christmas is celebrated by everyone, even by those who do not know Christ or believe in Christ, simply because it is a universal chance to connect with people. Even if I could cynically assume that the whole ambience is merely influenced by the marketing pressure to buy and not necessarily to give, the chance to reach out, the opportunity to touch and the possibility to rekindle another interaction is there, no matter how subtle, no matter how small.
So how do we deal with that annoying person in our life? Maybe refer him to our Zen like friend? Nah, that would be too easy, too evasive. How about treating him with a kind silence, the one that has an endearing look, a caring touch? Could work. But will he respond? How about doing nothing and letting him be? Risky, yes, but it is through risks that life opens its doors. It is through risks that we discover all those chances that we have failed to see and missed to grab. And it is maybe when we take the risk in letting that annoying person be he might probably become someone else we have not yet seen.
Yes, Christmas is around the corner. Lights galore abound my block and trinkets drape the sidewalk. Malls are noisy, there is no snow and the weather seems bright. Behind the bustle of irrational shopping and profitable deep discounts, it would be nice to look at silence, not for a change, but for what Christmas really is.
You see, that annoying person is annoying because we either do not understand him or he does not know how to express his self without bugging us. If only he can find himself first before he comes to us or her for that matter, then all that noise brewing within could dissipate and transform into something placid.
The silence of Christmas was the time when people focused on its meaning: the Child and not the manger, the giver and not the gifts, the star and not the light. Nowadays, it is ironical that some atheists complain of being left out from the Christmas Spirit because we insist on greeting people “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays”. But I do not see any historical significance or meaning in greeting people “Happy Holidays”. What does it mean? And how do atheists really celebrate Christmas, that is, what is it they celebrate?
Perhaps that is the silence of Christmas, when Christ allows others to be and somewhat share with His Birthday party even without knowing that it is His Birthday. Tolerance is a great skill, especially when the people we are tolerating are not able to tolerate us. Merry Christmas!