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by Fred C. Wilson III
May 2, 2011
“I read that Asian women were bedroom generals. Some people think that means great in bed; but that’s not the issue. They’re talking about a place where the man is at his most vulnerable, where they have the most control.”
-Wesley Snipes-
THE TWAIN HAS MET
Spring is a time for baseball, long walks, and romance. Rudyard Kipling the celebrated late 19th early 20th century British author-poet’s epic poem ‘The Ballad of East and West’ still rings true though its impact has lessened considerably. When it comes to love matches between Orientals and Occidentals the man was half right. With the advent of global communications, information technologies, and increased travel, the twain has indeed met.
In 1959 I saw Nancy Kwan and William Holden in the film classic ‘The World of Suzie Wong.’ That movie really hooked me. It aroused feelings I never knew I had. It was like lighting striking a tree! Immediately I was in love with all things Asian especially the women. I was an 8th grader yet in love with the Orient. Perhaps I being a native San Franciscan, a city with a very large Asian minority, influenced me.
AN ASIAN FETISH
A lot of things, some nasty others nice have been said about Asian-Western love matches. According to Wikipedia, “Asian fetish is a slang term which usually refers to an interest, attraction or preference for people, culture, or things of Asian origin by those of non-Asian descent. The term Asiaphile is sometimes used to describe the same phenomenon as yellow fever [a derogatory term akin to equally racist ‘Jungle Fever’ that refers to romantic attachments between blacks and whites]. Other slang names for a preference for Asian sexual partners include…‘rice kings’, ‘rice chasers,’ and ‘rice lovers’ for the men who espouse it.
“The gay slang term used for a man, usually white, who exclusively dates Asian men is ‘rice queen.’ In the afterword to the 1988 play M. Butterfly, the writer David Henry Hwang use the term ‘yellow fever,’ a pun on the disease of the same name, discusses white men with a fetish for Asian women. Hwang argues that this phenomenon is caused by stereotyping of Asians in Western society.” The above racist terms are how the unintelligent view mixed Asian-Western romantic attachments. Reader I can’t understand it for the life of me why all the bull**** over people dating/marrying people of different races; who friggin’ cares? Who you like is your business.
When I taught junior high school I used to tell my students whenever the subject of interracial love came up, never let the exoticism of dating people of different races be your sole criteria for wanting them. When lovers focus only the supposed sexual/other behavioral qualities of the ‘opposite race,’ bad things happen. Sex based relationships regardless of race/ethnicity is doomed before they develop. Love a person for who he or she is not solely for his or her to appeal to your kinky desires.
AN INTERVIEW
According to this month’s edition of National Geographic Magazine (April 2011 mixed marriage statistical chart based on 2008 figures) 1 in 60 marriages in the United States are racially mixed and on the rise with Whites married to Hispanics at the top and Blacks married to Asians at the bottom in numerical terms of couples married.
For nearly 20 years I’ve been happily married to a wonderful lady from Quezon City back home. Since this article is about racially/culturally mixed relationships/marriages, what better interview subject do I have than my wife Maria, who’s on holiday in the Philippines, and I? I’ve asked her to share with you some of her thoughts about being married to me a non-Asian (multi-racial) man. Here’s what she has to say:
“What are some of the difficulties you’ve encountered from family and friends regarding you marrying a non-Asian?”
“Actually I did not have any problems back home more than I had in the United States. My friends thought our marriage would not work. They thought I would be taken advantage of especially that you’re not only non-Asian but also black. My closest friend gave me five years and that was it but on July 5th we will have been married 20 years!”
“Did you find it hard adjusting culturally being married to a non-Asian; could you give some examples?”
“Culturally, Filipinos and other Asians are very family oriented. They keep their children close to them even if they are married. Parents and grandparents help their married children raise their children. If their grown children can’t make it financially, emotionally, mentally, the parents will help shoulder their responsibilities though at the adult level it’s more of an obligation.”
“What are some of the positive aspects of being married to a Westerner?”
“It all depends on who you marry. Westerners, if they marry a person like me, won’t have too many problems culturally. My husband is very independent. I don’t have to serve him. He prepares his meals, does his own errands, and I don’t have to worry so much if I have to leave for the Philippines a month or so because he can manage without me. I feel he can handle any situation.”
“What are some negative aspects of being married to a Westerner?”
“There are not many negatives in our marriage so far. People create their own negative situations in any relationship, marriage or otherwise. But as you age all you want is peace and quiet.”
“Would you do it all over again if you had the chance? Why or why not?”
“I always think that GOD gives us just one chance to make it through life. GOD gives us choices. People can choose to do right or wrong but despite our choices we will not have the same opportunities again. If your marriage is good you are blessed; you can always make it better.”
I conducted this interview on line. Reader here it is; mixed race/cultural marriages can work. We are a living proof of that. GOD willing Maria and I hope to have many more happy years together.
ONE RACE-ANSWER TO RACISM
Mixed couples with children may be the only hope for putting the nails in the coffin of racism. The problem is far too many mixed race couples avoid having children. The excuse they use is: ‘how will society accept our children?’ Reader the science of anthropology proved that we are all descended from one couple; call them Adam and Eve if you like. An on line pastor-scientist said that 150 years from now we’ll all be members of a single racial entity. When this happens hopefully the evil of race hate will just be a relic of an unpleasant past.
*Article title from Spike Lee movie: ‘Jungle Fever’ staring Wesley Snipes