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by Carmelita Cochingco Ballesteros.
October 1, 2010
It was heart-rending to think of what happened to Julia’s marriage to Alberto – the marriage which she had sought relentlessly. She suffered all alone, since there was no one else whom she could blame for her misfortune.
Worn out because of her search for her husband, she continued asking for information from just about anyone. What made it worse was that there were people who told her that they saw him in this and in that place.
And so she kept going back and forth in the hope that she might find him. But what could a woman like her achieve from such a search? And how could she find a man who was so good at hiding and wandering in forests?
Who would share her hardships from such a hopeless task? Nobody, and so she finally gave up her search and waited for whatever would happen. However, she did not have any peace of mind and there was no moment when she was not restless.
She blamed herself, she thought of committing suicide, she raged at Pilar who was the hindrance to her happiness. But there was nothing that could alleviate her anguish because there were pangs of guilt which tormented her conscience.
Although she blamed herself, it did not do her any good because what she had done could not be undone. She cringed from the thought of hanging herself whenever she remembered her unborn child that bore witness to her tainted honor and caused her so much sorrow.
To heap the blame on Pilar was unreasonable because it was she who helped restore her honor and saved her from ridicule. But how could Julia be happy? Although she had a husband, she did not know where he was.
And was there anything more humiliating than Alberto’s words: “I have no other love and that love was ended when we met.” Every time she remembered this, her heart pounded with so much pain that it felt like it would stop beating.
She loved Alberto, but her love had no basis except her selfish desire and despicable envy. Her cousin would have been happy now if she had not put herself between her and Alberto.
What about Alberto? Where was Alberto whom she had expected to bring happiness to her life? He was nowhere, and none among the three of them had any peace of mind. However, she truly believed that it was only Pilar who was blessed even as she suffered.
Julia knew that Pilar was bedridden with a serious illness. Most probably, she felt guilty that it was Alberto’s marriage to her which had caused Pilar’s illness. But Alberto had not given her any happiness. Instead, he had caused her unmitigated sorrow.
Julia’s fleeting triumph as she gloated in the fulfillment of her selfish desire was over and the pain which had replaced it was mounting day by day.
Little by little, anyway, she learned how to accept her misfortunes. Although she felt humbled by what she had done, she consoled herself by saying that each person had his own fate.
Not long after, she had to face another misfortune: Alberto’s bitter death!
Julia was inconsolable in her grief when she learned about it. Although he had caused her untold miseries, he did save her from public ridicule and married her. What made his death more lamentable was its contemptible means which was bound to frighten anyone who knew right from wrong.
Then Julia remembered Alberto’s words: “You will hear about my corpse soon.” This was the fulfillment of his promise to her.
Alberto killed himself. This was clearly evident because he was still holding the dagger which was imbedded in his heart. His suicide told Julia without any doubt that it was she, and no one else, who had caused his death.
The authorities investigated the incident, but there was no one whom they could hold responsible because they realized that it was he himself who grew tired of his own life. What a bitter end for a reckless love! …
Who would have thought that Alberto who had a sterling character would have such a miserable end? And who among the ilk of Julia would have thought that in wanting to rise, the more she would flounder and that her desired happiness would be the yoke that would almost choke her to death?
What a bitter price to pay for one’s recklessness!
Julia’s thoughts, her feelings, and her whole being screamed nothing but her guilt for seducing Alberto and for envying the good fortune of her cousin.
While Julia was collecting her thoughts, two men arrived. They strained as they walked carrying on their shoulders a bamboo bier on which Alberto’s corpse lay.
Julia ran down the stairs as soon as she saw them. Almost stumbling over, she broke into a loud lamentation. Although Alberto gave her nothing but sorrow, her heart almost stopped beating when she saw his corpse.
* * *
Alberto did not have any other close relative, except Kapitan Culas. Since he lived in another town, Julia wrote to him right away, though they had not yet met each other. While Julia was writing Kapitan Culas, let us pay attention to the preparations being done for Alberto’s funeral.
Julia had given instructions to the workers before she started writing. Somebody was sawing wood, somebody was planing the sawed pieces, somebody was hammering away, and others were busy on other chores which intensified Julia’s sorrow.
All of these activities could make us conclude that Julia wanted to make Alberto’s funeral a lavish and extravagant occasion. According to everyone who came to sympathize, the pomp which had been absent from her parents’ funeral would now be exaggerated on Alberto’s and she would spend more than she could.
The letter was finished:
“Mr. Nicolas Madlangbayan: Although you do not know me yet because there was no chance for Alberto to introduce me to you, I greet you with all my respect and hereby break the news to you.
“I am writing you not to embarrass my husband. First, you are like my own parent because of him; and second, everyone knows about what has happened to us. So I am now compelled to tell you everything and to ask your opinion about this bitter incident.
“Although Alberto did not wish to marry me, our wedding did take place. But on the very day of the celebration, he left me even while I was unconscious from a fainting spell. I have not had the luck to see him again until today.
“Oh!… what a grievous sight it was because he was soaked in his own blood. I cannot say if it was I or Pilar who was the cause of his suicide. What I can tell is that he did not live with me even for one day. He was nowhere when I regained consciousness after my fainting spell.
“Today, he is dead and I am grieving not only because of my early widowhood but also because of his terrible suicide. I cannot understand what led him to do this.
“He shall be buried this afternoon and if you want to see him, I trust that there is ample time so that you can come.
“Goodbye for now, sir, and I wish you peace of mind. – Julia Dimasupil.”
Julia paid somebody to take the letter to Kapitan Culas. Since it was delivered posthaste, the letter reached Kapitan Culas in no time. After reading it, he was shocked that such a tragedy had happened to his nephew.
Alberto did not have a wicked character to deserve a bitter death. He thought it might have been caused by his advice that he marry Julia.
“And why did he commit suicide,” he said to himself, “just because he had married Julia whom he didn’t love? Was such a union disgraceful to a man? Was he mortally wounded that his love for Pilar had ended because he had married another woman?
“If that were the cause, then whose fault was it that he had an affair with Julia? And he killed himself because of that – a fainthearted cowardice. Ah, it is love which ruins everyone! What a pity my nephew had to die this way.
“Julia’s asking me if I would like to see his remains. I cannot make the dead rise, but I should comfort my niece-in-law and condole with her in her grief.”
This was how Kapitan Culas arrived at a decision and he told the bearer of the letter that he would go.
* * *
After a few hours, the old man arrived in the afternoon of the same day. Although it was Alberto’s death which he ought to mourn, he felt overcome with compassion when he saw Julia in her delicate condition.
Aside from grieving over her husband’s death, she was also having labor pains. It looked like she was about to give birth then.
While many were preoccupied with the preparations for Alberto’s funeral, some were coming and going, confused and worried. Some wanted to look for a midwife and to fetch an herb doctor because Julia’s condition was apparently deteriorating.
Some were trying their best to attend to her needs and to keep her spirits up as she moaned in pain.
Because of this, Old Culas decided to postpone Alberto’s funeral till the following day when his wife would have given birth to their child so that the baby would at least see its father, even if he was already dead.
Many objected against this because it would exceed the prescribed burial time, but the old man ignored them and insisted on his decision.
* * *
As evening approached, Julia’s condition deteriorated into a very risky delivery. According to the doctor and to the midwife, both of whom had just arrived, it was improbable for her to survive. Because of her great sorrow, her old heart ailment recurred and complicated her condition.
Nevertheless, they tried to save her life and by making her take medicine religiously, they were able to prolong her life till midnight. But they could not do anything to decongest her chest which was preventing her from breathing with ease. At the same time, her labor pains continued.
Julia was very weak and was almost dead if not for the medicine which was somehow delaying her death.
All of a sudden, a handsome and stout baby boy was born. But before an hour could pass, it was Julia who died – unable to bear the many hardships which choked her all at the same time on that day.