Desiderata Dissected (Part III – Running away from people with big mouth)

“Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit”.
Between listening to a soft spoken person or taking the role of a sounding board to someone who screams, I would definitely opt for the soft spoken person even with the voice of ant. Loud people are annoying, period. They are a danger to your mental health, bad news for your reputation, detrimental for your business and damaging to your overall well-being. They scream and raise their voices out of an uncorrected bad habit which they would have probably been raised with from childhood or acquired from the unavoidable demands of an occupational requirement. With them by your side, the whole office will know about your intimate details while the unwilling public will be forced to hear matters they do not care about.
The soft-spoken person, on the other hand, exudes that certain charisma, unintentionally persuading people to pay more attention and listen. It always works. When you want someone to listen to you, assuming that you are a person of authority, whisper with a stern face instead of screaming with a grimace. You will not only get more attention. You will also earn the respect of the person you are talking to. Soft-spoken people also seem to talk only when needed, a perfect friend to be with while watching a movie. In a hushed tone, they often speak direct to the point, only when needed, unlike a typical chatter box laden with fillers who can never stop from quacking. Moreover, when there is wisdom, knowledge and virtue behind the spectacles of academic degrees, the person who carries all these through initials attached after his name is so convinced that he has no need to be loud.
We are told to avoid loud and aggressive persons. They are unwanted broadcasters to unwanted listeners. They add to noise pollution and are a risk to our auditory health. They are vexations to the spirit, irritants that gradually convert to stress, the undercover culprit of so many contemporary disorders, the sneaky crack that can make us sick, a contagious contaminant that spreads ill will and bad omen when allowed to linger.
So what kind of speaker are you? Where does your auditory volume go when annoyed or pressured? How do you speak when excited? Henry Rollins, an American musician, writer and Radio host said, “We humans are hard to deal. We are a loud, complex and demanding bunch. Often, we are best dealt with from a safe distance and for only brief periods of time.” I agree. So what was thought of in 1927 has remained true in 2014. We still are a horde of boisterous creatures with complicated demands and complex responses. We still give unwanted advice and engage in petty qualms. We bicker and argue. We scold when we do not need to. And we sometimes scream just because we feel like doing so.
We are also advised to avoid aggressive persons. This one is a no-brainer. Who wants to be with those kind anyway – war mongers, hot heads and paranoids who sometimes cause tragedy in an ordinary traffic everytime their road rage gets a better hold of them? I recall driving side by side with one of those, lost my own temper, hit on the gas harder than normal limits, and then ended up chasing each other against traffic lights. I know. It was dumb. If I only imprinted “Desiderata” across my medulla oblongata, I could have placated my impulse and preserved my temper. I could have looked at the other side and allowed the brat to get ahead of me instead of assuming the same obnoxious behavior. Avoid aggressive persons. What would be the point not to?
There are four forms of aggression: dominance, fear, self-defense and redirected. The first one we avoid. The last one we try to understand. And the two in the middle, we try to resolve. Aggressive dominance is when another person tries to impose his ego upon others just because it feels good or because of a misguided belief. This form is incorrigible, pervasive and fatal. Run away from it as much as you can. Aggression due to fear or self defense is reactionary. When you encounter these forms it is because you probably initiated the cycle of aggression. We modify our behavior. The others are resolved. Redirected aggression is when we become a
scapegoat. It is merely being in a wrong place at a wrong time. This one we can easily convert into something positive, that is, if aggression does not take the Jekyll out its closet.
The focus of our utmost avoidance is on the first form of aggression, the incorrigible kind that does not accept corrections. It is the form that could expose us to unwanted verbal abuse, bullying or battery. We cannot go placidly by the side of a personified violence. And we cannot have peace or silence when someone steadfastly transmits the nuisance of a negative energy. The best defense is still avoidance. It does not require critical thinking, profound analysis, extra effort or saintly prudence. Dealing with an aggressive person whose problems are intrinsic to his personality should probably be left to a professional.
When the spirit is vexed, we become crabby. We add wrinkles to our forehead and burrows to our face. After spending hard earned cash trying one vanishing cream after another ointment, it would be folly to allow anyone to disrupt the beauty maintained for so long. A vexation to the spirit first attacks the inner disposition. And then it destroys our physical equanimity. Though our petals may bloom, the weeds of aggression may cause them to whither before its time. So, when the aggressive person is gone, and when the vexed spirit is once more placated, then we can revisit the original plan of going placidly amidst the noise and haste.
It’s summer. Traffic on highways will once again be snarled because of good weather that allows for road repairs and other forms of construction. Tempers behind the wheel could rise with elevated readings. Ice cold drinks laced with alcohol will be around barbecue feasts, backyard gatherings and block parties. Almost always, it is that season of the year when good friends or acquaintances kill each other because of the most stupid reason available: pride coupled with aggression, packaged in a bundle of inflated egos.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. And while doing so, enjoy the tranquility of a warm and nice day. Thank you!