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(The following is based on a letter found in an e-group, “Asian Philippines Multicultural Friends”. Although designed to elicit humor, the variances of culture contain some truth that can only be tolerated and accepted. The original source, written in Filipino, is not clearly defined. Some parts were modified in this article)
My Dearest Son,
I will not write fast because I know you read slowly. Thank you so much for all the donations you sent us through your group, “Kilos at Awa” (Action and Mercy). Your mother and I are here in our old Provincial Town living in a house you bought for us after our house in Manila decided to float back to the sea. I cannot give you the exact address because the former owners took away the house number. The note they left said that they are moving to a new house and they wanted to have the same address. Those people are a bit odd, you know. The house did not have any doors neither when we moved in. They mentioned that since there are so many thieves around, the best thing to do for security is to take away doors so that thieves will not have anything to open and break in.
Poverty and hunger is everywhere in Manila, my son. Even “aratilis” (wild berries) are stolen from a neighbor’s backyard. Roaming dogs are no longer safe. In America, I heard they are taken care of and even adopted. Over here, they are hunted and slaughtered.
Traffic is awful as usual. I was in a bus the other day and saw an old man walking. We were so slow that when we reached the next light, the old man was already there crossing the street. Public transportation is so expensive. There are some passengers who are so wily that they ask for change even before they pay for their fares. The poor jeepney driver gets so confused that he loses money without even knowing it.
Thank you so much for everything you sent us, but what is this shampoo that says, “for dry hair only”? I figured that I did not have to wet my hair for me to use it. Now my head is all sticky and gooey. Perhaps it is shampoo and gel rolled into one. The leather jacket is lovely. Too bad it is too hot in here and I don’t have any occasion to wear it. I hope you won’t mind, but I gave it as a gift to our neighbor who delivers ice to our store. He was so grateful because he said it is always cold at the back of his truck.
Try not to be out late in America, my son. I read somewhere in the “Inquirer” the other day that cops are getting tough against immigrants and foreign workers. Here, I copied the news but I am not sure if I copied it right.
“IT’S all work and no play in the USA.
Before and after the Labor Day observance in the Philippines, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has included the Philippines in the list of countries whose nationals are to be subjected to additional security checks at ports of entry in the United States. Filipinos will now be inspected according to height, number of moles on the face, fashion sense and affiliation with Fil-Am groups.
To enforce its monitoring of foreigners, immigrants and citizens, the DHS will have in place a new check-in/check-out system by yearend. Called US VISIT (US Visitor and Immigrant Status Indication Technology) system, the program is designed to make it easier for the DHS to determine the legitimate tourists, students and business travelers, while making it difficult to enter with fake documents or fraudulent intent. Among Asians, Filipinos have been caught with the most number of fraudulent documents. If and when a Filipino is caught, the penalties proposed would be instant deportation to any of the isolated islands of the “Hundred Islands”, whereby isolation will be imposed”.
Naku, there are so many new bus lines here in our Province. Many of them are already air-conditioned. We have BLTB, Victory Liner, Dacanay Liner, and Pascual Liner. The other day, one bus was filled with ladies who almost wore nothing. At the side of the bus was a huge poster of a girl lying by the sea. I think that Bus is called “Panty Liner”. That was the only thing I saw written on top of the poster.
You probably heard about the latest victims of that storm we had here. Son, my friend told me that the best way to give is when you remain anonymous. So the next time you send us a check, try not to use the one with your name on it. And also, I don’t think there will be any need for you to sign it. I am sure they will be very happy with your generosity. The other day, I got mad with your brother because he asks too many questions for a simple task that I ask him to do. I asked for a soft drink, and he asked whether I wanted Pepsi or Coke. I said Coke and then he asked if I wanted a canned one or in a bottle. I said a bottled one, then he offered whether I wanted 8 oz. or a liter. “Darnd it, “just give me water”, I said. Then he asked if I wanted mineral or distilled. I got so annoyed that I threatened to beat him up with a “walis” (a broom), and then he asked if it would be “ting-ting or tambo”. “Hayop ka” (you beast), I said. “Umalis ka na nga (get out of here). And then he run away screaming “baka o kambing?” (cow or goat). This is his way of not doing anything at home.
There, my letter is getting longer. Please do not forget to bring in our clothes especially when the weather is cold. The last time you wrote you told me that your underwear got frozen after hanging them on a clothes line. By the way, Jhun, your effeminate cousin, finally found a job. He works as a make-up artist and he is so happy because his clients never complain. “Of course”, I told him. He works in a funeral parlor. All his customers are dead.
Take care my son. Please write soon and mail it. I have a hard time reading e-mails because there are more blackouts than we have light. Your mom sends her motherly hug!
With all my love,
Your father.