Ten Things that may happen in a typical Fil-Am Meeting: Foibles of an ethnic imperfection

Some time back, when I used to join so many meetings with assorted Fil-Am clubs and organizations, I counted with my fingers the ones that were productive and efficient, and the ones that took care of food with nothing else. We are not perfect as no one else is. The defects we have as imperfect beings can be looked upon with disdain or with a sense of humor. I prefer the latter, for that which is obstinate can at least be smiled at.
1) An amorphous sense of time
It was 8:30 on a Saturday morning. I was barely awake and was on my way to a board meeting. In my family, we have the habit of being early. My father does not allow tardiness and I did not mind waiting. According to my time, I was punctual. This would be my first meeting as one of the directors and I was excited. They told me to arrive at 9:00 am. I was there. No one else was. Thirty minutes passed. I called the person who told me to be there. He said the meeting was actually at 9:30 but he normally says 9:00 to give some margin for late comers. “Then why are you not here?”, I asked. “I am on my way. No one normally arrives early ”, he responded.
9:40 am – people were slowly arriving. There was a good group by 10:00 am, thirty minutes after the supposed beginning. At 10:05 we started. The agenda said we should be done by 11:30. I was utterly mistaken. I called home to let them know I will miss lunch. We ended at 1:00. People lingered. I finally escaped at 1:30. They were still there.
2) Reading of the minutes.
The meeting started reading a story of the last meeting’s event. In other groups, they normally start with people talking simultaneously. This official story telling portion is then corrected, amended, seconded to the last detail, punctiliously finding out who said what and what was said. We have not tackled the first item on the agenda yet. As we move from one item to another, we get stacked on the past and had little time left to deal with current matters.
3) Festival of Calories
Food is a staple of Fil-Am meetings. We bring whatever we can to share with others. And most of what we bring is loaded with substances that make us attractive to gravitational forces. Show me a Pinoy who is pious in Filipino events, and I will show you someone who has gained weight. In view of this, does “anorexa nervosa” even exist amongst us?
4) Deviating Curbs
While we were discussing about “important” matters, someone asked a question. And then another asked a question about the question. An answer was given to the second question that was not connected to the first. So the person who asked first asked the second person what the answer was about. The person beside me asked the person in front what the subject matter was. The person behind was not listening. I had to explain. And then I missed the answer. For more than thirty minutes, we lost track and deviated. Petty arguments took place. A senseless debate followed. Gibberish all over.
5) When is the next fund raising?
Can we get a band without paying them? Who is the least expensive DJ in town? What is the minimum requirement of that banquet hall? How many tickets do we need to sell? How many tables can we commit to? How much should people pay for an ad? How can we avoid selling to the same people? How much can we get? Should this be another fashion show? What gimmick can we use? Who will be our guest speakers?
I felt goose pimples while I listened to these questions. I wanted out. This was what I was warned about. My non-Filipino friends admonished me about the myriad balls we have. And then he asked: “Do you have parties to raise funds, or do you raise funds as an excuse for having parties?”
6) Hail to the Chief
Everyone has a title, a designation, and a position. Hail to the Chief! Where are the followers? We have a committee chair for this and a vice chair for that. We have an assistant to an assistant, vice president number one, two and three. One person claims it is an incentive to recruit people. Another one says that people will not join any group without a promised title. After all, an appeal to vanity is an effective marketing strategy – shallow and superficial, but it works. There seems to be no room for an active volunteer without any predilections to designations. Bravo!
7) Simultaneous echoes
A whisper here reverberates with a whisper there. While someone gives the report, someone comments on the report and another reacts on the comment. There are groups that don’t have minutes or any recorded data. They are subject to the accuracy of a not so reliable memory. And the echoes go on based on assumptions, presuppositions, wild theories and wilder hearsay. Conclusion: Pass the word around until it fades in forgotten oblivion.
8) Poli-tick-ing (The Expertise of Sucking Up)
So the term of office is almost over. We now call our friends and they call their friends to be instant members of our clubs to bring instant votes on the table and create instant victory on the block. Suddenly, friends are all over and everyone becomes a friend. There are groups who would only accept friends with cash. And there are groups who could accept a pledge. Unfortunately, many of those who pledge do so to get rid of solicitors. They end up skewing the books.
9) Are we over yet?
We are almost there, but half of the group has gone or has started munching on the calories. We all look at our watches as we wonder what happened. What have we attained? What have we learned? Where do we go from here?
10) See you next meeting…(is it done?)
So we all rush to our cars all set for the next group. With cell phones on our ears, we have the same excuse and the same expectations wrapped in the same habits. On the corner of the room or folks still debating on who is at fault while food is slowly being wrapped in bags for home. See you next meeting folks! As I leave the room, an elderly person whispers to my ear: “ I can’t blame you if you never show up again”. And while he does, I opened my calendar and marked next months meeting….